Phil Elmore: Individual Authoring Services

Poconos 2003
A Travelogue

DAY TWO

The next day we drove the short distance to Bushkill Falls, the "Niagara of Pennsylvania." Bushkill Falls consists of a network of hiking trails fronted by several gift shops, a Native American museum, a miniature golf course, and a cute little water-trough network in which kids (and adults) can pretend to pan and strain for precious minerals. The hiking trails range from very direct (with "no climbing") to serious hiking, with choices in between for those who want some degree of hiking enjoyment.

Bushkill Falls Visitor's Center.

After paying a small admittance fee, we passed through a room dominated by an extensive collection of stuffed wildlife. A small knot of Japanese tourists was taking photos in front of the groundhogs and chipmunks as we passed through. The black bear -- specifically, the stuffed black bear -- is a known motif at Bushkill.

Groundhogs and chipmunks and squirrels, oh my.

We chose the most popular trail to the falls, a winding journey down dirt trails, plank steps, and rough-hewn walkways with railings made of cobbled-together tree limbs. The rustic effect is very attractive and reminded me of The Swiss Family Robinson.

Walkways at Bushkill Falls.

The pay-off for all that hiking, of course, is a close-up view of the falls themselves. There are a couple of bridges over the water near the falls that will get you very close to them.

Bushkill Falls, the Niagara of Pennsylvania

I couldn't resist, before leaving the Native American museum, getting my picture taken with a friend. (For several more pictures of the natural beauty of Bushkill Falls, click here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.)

The author (right) poses with a new friend.

In the evening of our second night in the Poconos, Beth and I again went to dinner. Dinner featured a strolling musician (who, guessing from his table-side banter, is a frustrated stand-up comedian) playing an electric "stick," a pleasant-sounding string instrument whose tones are perfect for dining in comfort. We then (after a a game of miniature golf and some air hockey in the game room upstairs) went to the Pocono Palace nightclub, where caught the end of what was to be the first of two comedians doing hour-long shows.

While the first comedian was okay, he was one of those who believes harassing the audience produces good entertainment -- announcing on his microphone when audience members leave to use the restroom, reverse-heckling those who are walking out on the show, and so forth. When he started making his way through the audience, bothering people as he went, we decided it was a good time to play a few more arcade games -- though I had a great comeback prepared if he bothered us. (It was something along the lines of, "I'm sorry. Is this the part of the show where you choose a member of the audience to beat the crap out of you?")

When we returned to the nightclub to get some drinks (they make some interesting frozen concoctions with fanciful names, such as the "Gladiator" and "Roman Rasberry") and enjoyed the self-serve popcorn machine popping away in one corner. We found the Caesar's "Newlywed Game" in full swing, too. My sister, who vacationed not long ago at the same resort, told me with quiet horror about getting involved in such a game with no knowledge of what it entailed. Those unprepared to divulge incredibly personal and sometimes humiliating details about their sex lives together should not participate in the game.

"I hope," I told her on the phone, "that when they asked you about the size of your husband's manhood you were flattering to him."

"We actually considered that," she told me. "We thought it might come up."

While I suppose it isn't very nice to enjoy the humiliation of others, we found the Newlywed Game surprisingly entertaining, as several sets of couples visiting the resort gave us entirely too much insight into their lives together. When the second comedian went on to round out the evening, we were a little stunned at just how bad he was.

"Come on, folks," he growled menacingly. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way."

Any comedian would be something of a let-down trying to follow Lewis Black's superb show, of course, but I suppose what was most disturbing about this second fellow of Day Two was that he seemed painfully aware of just how bad he was. He was very, very angry at us, the audience, for not finding him funny. When we walked out, we theorized that the fellow would clear the room fairly effectively so the bar staff could clean up.

Day One Day Two Day Three Day Four