Phil Elmore: Individual Authoring Services

Signs of the Times
27 June 2003

We live in difficult times. Most people are convinced of that, even when our economy does well. Somewhere along the way we managed to convince ourselves that the business cycle -- the fluctuation between bust and boom, between bull and bear, between recession and expansion, stopped happening. Such is not the case. Economic times will always vary. Some professions are less susceptible to "interesting times" than others, however.

If you ever find yourself living and working in the Old West, for example, be the undertaker. The undertaker seldom gets shot, which is a bonus in and of itself. The undertaker's job is to silently witness all the killings done by the hero and the villains, creeping everybody out by measuring them for coffins before the go off for their showdowns, or just staring at everyone with that "I am saddened by the folly of humanity" look that Old West undertakers are taught in trade school. No matter how many people die, no matter how badly things go in town, the undertaker always has a job. One presumes it's the undertaker's job to turn out the lights and roll up the sidewalks when he's the last person left in Gold Nugget.

Similarly, you may think that the best way to go into business for yourself is to find a business that serves other businesses. You'd probably sit at home, sticking out the tip of your tongue while wondering why you're waving a pencil in front of your computer. You'd think, "I've got it. I'll sell signs. Every business needs signs."

That's true, but only up to a point. If your job is to build new neon signs for commercial businesses, you might be okay, particularly if you can get into the blinking Jesus Saves market. Be wary of the pitfalls, however. You see, the least profitable business in the world is that of distributor for neon sign light bulbs.

Think about it. Have you ever seen a neon sign that had all its letters lighted? There is some unwritten law in the business world that once a neon sign is erected it can never be fixed. When all the light bulbs burn out, that's a sign from the Fates that you should move on.

By contrast, the hyenas of the business world are the vinyl temporary sign guys. The vinyl sign guys set up new businesses every day. They know that you'll need to cover that old neon sign for the failed business whose property you're now leasing. They know you'll be reluctant to buy a new neon sign, particularly with that bad-luck bulb thing hanging over your head. They figure they'll sell you a nice vinyl sign that will only occasionally get tangled in the wind and require re-hanging.

They'll laugh the whole way to the bank as they pick clean the corpses of the failed neon-sign-having businesses that came before, setting up an account for whomever takes over your office space when you've gone belly-up.

That's just how these things work.