Phil Elmore: Individual Authoring Services

"Always grab the reader by the throat in the first paragraph, sink your thumbs into his windpipe in the second, and hold him against the wall until the tag line."
- Paul O'Neil

All Original Site Content
Copyright © 2003-2004
Phil Elmore, all rights reserved.

Humor Columns

Movie Review: Road House	Movie Review: Godzilla 2000
Movie Review: Desperado	Movie Review: Rose Red
Movie Review: The Delivery	Movie Review: Bulletproof Monk
Movie Review: Mosquito

Sea Monkey Mutant Shock Troops Training Journal Beginning in March of 2004
God is Not Obnoxious February 2004	Meteorologist is Latin for Liar February 2004
Mom, I'm Hungry February 2004	My New Reality Show February 2004
Stop with the Food Already February 2004	The Black Squirrels are Coming February 2004
See Your Doctor September 2003	Victoria's Secret Life February 2004
House Haunting August 2003	Greetings, Earthling August 2003
Freddy vs. Whom? August 2003	Where do Oily Rags Come From? August 2003
So I Was Trapped in the Vending Machine July 2003	Don't Make Me Pull Over July 2003
And We Were Grateful for What We Had July 2003	Work Zone 27 June 2003
Extreme Extremeness July 2003	Ave Maria July 2003
I Want My FTV 27 June 2003	Ice Cream Truck! Ice Cream Truck! July 2003
Signs of the Times 27 June 2003	Animal Planet 27 June 2003
I Am A Math God 16 May 2003	Thermos Fondler 16 May 2003
Theme Park Security and other Oxymorons 20 October 2002	I Am Yolanda 31 May 2001
Why Don't They Use the Door? 2 September 2002	Chinese Checkers 10 April 2001
Are You In My Section? 1 August 2002	Traffic School 23 March 2001
Tonight on Lifetime 28 August 2002	Brevity Is The Soul Of Lint 14 March 2001
Of Merges, Computers, and Weathermen 6 July 2002	Unfocused Wandering 27 January 2001
One-Liner 15 April 2002	Restaurant Critic 28 December 2000
A Visit To The Emergency Room 20 September 2001	My Life Of Crime 29 November 2000
The Great New York State Fair 9 September 2001	Lies, Damned Lies, and Hot Pockets 16 November 2000
Big BrotherBots 12 August 2001	Adventures in Warehouse Shopping 11 November 2000
Gallery Of The Odd 3 June 2001	Rock Lobster 9 November 2000